Fate Created As We Are

I don’t want heaven, were it excluding my dog, snakes, sharks, lions, weeds, non-believers, the bad, ...

We’re fundamentally the same. Fate created them, us, different as we, they are. Can they, we, help it?

June 2013

I Need You

I Need You

“I don’t need ice cream. I need you.” So said an old, near dying man to a young woman with ice cream who had taken care of him.

Living in a rented apartment before, he offered her to stay with him. “Welcome home.” He wrote on the table with a flower in a vase when she came in. “This is your home,” the very old man said. His friends who visited him in the hospital, asked him who she was. He said “she is my wife” though they were never married.

That must be the highest honor, the greatest reward for a woman when a man could speak something like that. I imagine him, needing her love as the sun, even more than heaven.

August 2011

What’s The Use Of Just Knowing A Name?

What’s the use of merely knowing his name, Bach, when you‘ve never heard, enjoyed his works. Some of his works I've heard are unforgettable. I always will know, love, remember him when I hear these, though I might not remember his name or even not know his name.

And it’s the same with knowing Picasso, Leo Tolstoy, ... No use knowing them when you never saw, read, heard, enjoyed their works. Their works, your thoughts are the real things not their names, your name.
But today you could easily hear, see their works in You Tube or read them in a book.

May 2013

The Gelatik And Benji, The Dog

The Gelatik And Benji, The Dog

Have you ever seen the Gelatik bird. She is so lovely, in grey and black and a red-rose beak, so frisky and so charming as a stewardess.

What would she say if someone offered her a home safe from predators, hunters, place it for honored guests to see in a brilliant hall of a palace with hundreds of candles. She doesn’t have to search for food or water, it would be provided, served on a plate and a cup of gold.

Said the bird: “Though not safe from the hawk, the snake, shot, trapped by man, though not protected from rain, and storm and drink but water from the rice field, a ditch, or have to provide myself with food, endure intense hunger and thirst during drought, give me my freedom, rather than be caged in a beautiful bird house, protected and well provided. I want to fly, have my nest though just of woven grass, find my mate and happily raise my baby chicks.

I’d rather like Benji to be as a wild animal and leaves us, instead of loving us. But Benji when urged to stay away, leave us, and be free, he stays, though we give him but knuckles of pork as his food or has to sleep outside on the floor. Where we go, he goes, where we stay, there he stays and there too, he’s most happy and at home.

And I mused, which is the better, being free or being bound?

August 18, 2004

December 2012

Mickey And The Landlord

Mickey And The Landlord

Mickey said: “Why do you chase me away? Is this your land?”

“This is my house, my land. I’ve bought it. Here is the certificate.” So said the landlord.

“Sure,” said Mickey Mouse, “but I am also an inhabitant, citizen of the earth. I have also a right on a part of it. I haven’t sold my right to you or anybody. Why then do you have your house on a part of my land? Has the seller or the government the right to own the land and sell the land that belongs to all the world inhabitants without permission? What do you say? Ha, ha.”

April 2009

The Gelatik Bird And The Farmer

The Gelatik Bird And The Farmer

“ Hi, Gelatik. Don’t eat, steal my paddy,” said a farmer.

Said the Gelatik. “Sure you bought and planted the paddy but the paddy is not yours but of the paddy plants and they present it to anyone who would like to take and eat them. If you forbid, then you should guard, watch over it, you greedy man. I don't steal your paddy. You have no right to forbid me.”

April 2009

December 2012

I Wonder

I wonder how God created matter, space, time, life and especially Himself out of nothing.

March 2014

Because She Is ...

She doesn’t know she’s so beautiful.

She doesn’t know she sings so beautiful.

She doesn’t know she’s so funny.

She doesn’t know she is so true.

She doesn’t know she is so good, so daring, so ...

She is such a delight.

Because she is as an unspoiled child.

How can I ever not love her, except I’m a stone. Yet I’ve not the heart to ever, ever, tell it her. You know why?

April 2014

Fame Can’t Harm You Anymore

I have asked no one to speak for me. I am myself my spokesman.

Only after a very long time when I’m not living anymore, many, many, many people would love my thoughts. And God whispered to me: “So, now fame can’t harm you anymore.” Ha. Ha.

May 2014

Enjoy, Love Doing Something Never Becomes A Duty

Learning is such a joy now as I am over 80, while it was a hateful duty during my school years. Writing my posts, singing is a joy, not a duty. Lovers have no duties except they stop loving each other.

Enjoy, love doing something regularly doesn’t become a duty. Loving care is not a duty. A duty that is paid is not a duty but a task, a job, an agreement,...

There was compulsory reading during my school years. Compulsory military duty is worst.

Imagine, when you were sent to war to invade a foreign country, to shoot, to kill human beings for no reason, no wrongs to you, or to be shot, to be killed, fooled into believing that it was for the sake of a great cause, oh my God.

May 2014

I Certainly Do Love Them

I certainly do love my thoughts, my pictures, my video recordings in my blog, how simple they might be. Can I be proud of were they beautiful but not mine? And were my pictures, video recordings beautiful, I owe my gratitude to superb technology that’s supporting me.

June 2014

Like Giving A Precious Present To Myself

Just with that very little, very simple, of what I can do, find, accomplish, achieve - though so far from accepted, general standards – am I grateful, makes me happy. When I’m lucky to write a good thought, lucky to make me my own beautiful chord progressions and melodic lines, lucky to have a good performance of my choir, make a beautiful recording, photo, enjoy riding just on my bike to a village, ... when I’m freed from hurting legs and dizziness.

That would like giving me a precious present. I’ve got such a lot now, now in old age as I can better judge beauty, besides, I’ve got courage, - no fear anymore -, the courage to be myself. What a joy.

August 2014

You Never Knew You Would Feel, Become Like That

After I succeeded to run the Marathon on my 60 th year I thought I would run 70 Km on my 70th birthday, 80 Km on my 80th birthday, you know, as a challenge and my special birthday present.

But when I was 70, I felt running 70 Km is very hard, as on a try, starting from Jakarta running at 2.00 am via Rumpin hills I arrived 1.00 pm in Leuwiliang. So then I choose to bicycle 140 Km, the same road vice versa and succeeded, starting 6.00 am, having a nice picnic in the mountains and arriving 6.00 pm in Jakarta.

When I was 80, there was no way you ever could run 80 Km, or bicycle 160 Km, except perhaps in 4 or 5 days I never thought, expected, you never knew, no young man ever could, that one day in the future, you would feel, become like that.

Today, just walking, - not running - a near distance becomes hard as my legs hurt when walking. I can’t cycle a far distance anymore. Then I thought of buying me a motorized bicycle, or a three wheeled motorized bicycle and I imagined of carrying my lover with me, or a golf car, but it’s a pity you couldn’t drive it on the main streets, or buy me a bicycle that can be folded, yet it is too heavy to carry it folded.

But when one day, perhaps I am over 100, ha, ha, will I ride a wheelchair, or motorize it to drive fast, to have my picnic and enjoy the ride into the country. 

So e mailed Opa Johan his sons and daughters. That was when he was 84.

June 2014

I'm Ninety-one

Don’t ask a woman her age. Yet, an aged woman would proudly say, proclaim: “I’m ninety-one. Ha. Ha.”

December 2013

I Wonder

I wonder how God created matter, space, time, life and especially Himself out of nothing.

March 2014

How Can I Ever Be Anonymous?

It’s the beautiful thought that matters. I don’t care if people do not know my name. People will always remember me, the anonymous person who said it. Unless I want, need to earn some money. 

But how can I ever be anonymous? Should I write on walls, packing paper, trees, gas balloons, without my name, ... not in the internet, not in news papers, books, ...?

How I wish I just could say “thank you” on someone’s blog, post I love, like, enjoy, without revealing my e mail, my identity, like a voice from heaven, like a kiss of gratitude.

April 2014

They’re So Human

I am kin to those that fail, fall, err, ... to sinners. And I thought of Bill Clinton. They’re so human.

February 2014

Joys Of Old Age

How Wonderful.

Now in old age with a weaker eyesight, can I see beauty that is just before me which I didn’t see with good eyesight before, even were I to have the time. What a revelation.

Now can I find, enjoy, read, hear, see, beauty in the simplest things. My mind is as young as ever. I don’t need to have read a novel, or to have heard an oratorio, opera, symphony, seen roses, orchids, ... to really find beauty, I don’t have to have eaten special foods, drinks. But then I was so haughty.

Beauty must be rich, grand, brilliant I thought, ignoring, humbling, despising beauty in the so simple, the so small, the so common, ... so near, yet, so dear to me, now:

June 2014

What’s The Use Of Being Beautiful Were ...

The male is mostly more beautiful, stronger than the female. But why are women more beautiful then men as I remember women dancing gracefully, beautifully, heard a lovely woman’s voice singing, or talking through a telephone?

Because I’m a man, not a woman, a dog, you know? That’s why. What’s the use of being beautiful were there no man ever would love, cherish it.

February 2014

Do You Want Me To Kiss You?

“Do you want me to kiss you, little fool? Ha. Ha.”

“No”   offering Opa Johan her cheeks.

October 2012

Where She Is, There’s Heaven

“I gladly, happily would honey-moon even to hell with my lover.” 

Then Opa Johan whispered to me: “What’s a honey-moon to Bali, Hawaii, Virgin Islands, ...? That’s for petty lovers. Were her lover unable to afford to buy her such a grand honey-moon she would divorce, leave him or cancel her marriage. Ha. Ha.”

“Not so mine, she would stay. Where she is, there’s heaven” said Opa Johan.

December 2012

Would You Like To Punish Me?

"Would you like to punish me for all the wrongs I did to You?
How many kisses do you want?"

So said Opa Johan to his wife.

January 2013

Opa Johan’s Special Birthday Present

Just guess, what’s so nice, so special when we were watching the musical play.

... ?

It’s not the play, I didn’t care for the play but that’s you sitting beside me,  eating together unnoticed, - there were no spectators behind us, beside us – eating your biscuits, silently in the dark but unfortunately, I forgot to steal me a kiss. Ha. Ha.

This was my special birthday present, more than a picnic, more than young lovers dining in a five star restaurant, you little fool?

That was what Opa Johan told his wife.

Did you know what ‘opa’ means? ‘Granddad’, but he could be a ‘grand-granddad’ by now. They were as young as ever, sitting, eating together just some biscuits secretly, - what a joy it was to have no one other to share - in a dark corner of the theater? That was like heaven.

February 2013

Where’s Your Courage?

You say, you, men are braver, stronger than us. Where is your courage, were you, men, to bear children? How would that feel? Did that ever occur to you, you blockhead. Ha. Ha. So teased Opa Johan’s wife in return.

March 2013

God Told Me So

She remembered her friend, a member of her choir saying not long ago that she had no money to pay her share of the taxi costs, should they go together to visit one of their choir members who had an attack of stroke, at the hospital. Then later, she, the wife of Opa Johan, secretly pressed some money into her hand.

“What is that for?” she asked.

“That’s for you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. God told me so.”
So she playfully said to cover her goodness and free her friend from any moral obligation.

April 2013

May We Not Meet Again

“Thank you, Good bye” she said to the nurses, who nursed her during her illness in the hospital. “Till, eh ... ‘semoga engga ketemu lagi’, may we not meet again.”  So said the wife of Opa Johan laughing when she left.

May 2013

Don’t Lie

“Don’t lie, you’re a pastor. Your sin would count, weigh a hundred times before God. Ha. Ha.”  So said the wife of Opa Johan. I don’t know what it’s all about. She’s so smart. 

June 2013 

Except My Lover Is With Me

“What do I care of visits when I’m sick? Except my lover is with me. Can’t you feel, understand? I.e. as long as you don’t become an awful, dutiful wife, you stupid little fool. Ha. Ha.” So said Opa Johan.

July 2013

Can I Help It?

How can I love someone, I do not love?

How can I not love someone, I do love?

Can I help it? Can you forbid it?

So don’t vow, promise as you can’t keep them, except you want to become a dutiful husband. So I said to myself.

What’s the use  of being a faithful husband and wife even for life then, founded on duty, decency, vows, laws, instead of loving each other

I could love almost any woman at long last. Ha. Ha. Aren’t they each one very wonderful? But were there some women not wonderful, I am to blame, I am too stupid, blind to see.  So don’t you be jealous, you little fool,  said Opa Johan to his wife.

July 2013

You Are Just A Lucky Little Fool

I said, I could love almost any woman at long last and almost any woman could love me at long last. They certainly are wonderful women, each one. You’re just a lucky little fool. I’ve not the chance to know them that long. Ha. Ha. So said Opa Johan to his wife.

July 2013

Quarrels Of Old Age

“Why are you so angry when I can’t get what you’re saying, you devil. Am I angry when you don’t grasp what I’m saying?”

“No. You never got angry. Ha. Ha.” so said his wife.

She’s such a  dear little devil, though but Opa Johan didn’t say it.

September 2013

Ailments, Troubles Of Old Age

"What’s a million dollars? A gift for the poor. Give me brains,  eyes, ears, arms, legs, ... that’s what I call a gift.” Something like that I said then, do you remember? And now I give myself a gift since I got back my legs as they do not hurt me anymore when I walk.

For many years, I’ve tried a lot, but it was in vain, you know? Only by chance, as I bow as low I can and then stand upright again, was I surprised, so happy. there was almost no pain and can I walk normal, not bend again.

Now, before they would hurt, I practice bowing and standing upright, anytime, anywhere, before I start walking. It doesn’t take a minute. I don’t wait till the pain returns, just as I exercized regularly and not wait till my asthma attacks me.

It costs me nothing except not to be reluctant, ashamed to do it. Besides I don’t dismiss my other exercizes.

So now, congratulate me, your husband. Don’t you be stressed anymore seeing me walking bend, you big, stupid pig, fool. Ha. Ha. So said Opa Johan.

September 2013

Your Kiss, That’s Something

What’s “Happy New Year, Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday?” Nothing. Just words. Your kiss, that’s something. Ha. Ha. So e mailed Opa Johan his lovely granddaughter.

January 2014

You’re Very Delicious Eating

“I don’t want them to be punished in jail. I want to repay them for what they did to me, to us and throw them with a chemical acid also to their bodies and faces.” So said one of the victims on the bus in Jakarta recently.

“Ask us first, were the death sentence ought to, should be abolished.” So said the murdered.

And I thought of the millions of cows, oxen, goats, pigs, chickens, ducks, ... that were slaughtered. “What punishment do you deserve, you wicked man, for what you did to us. What were our wrongs?”

“Ha. Ha. Your wrongs were that you’re very delicious eating.” So said Opa Johan to himself.

October 2013 

He Is Just A Man

I’m very honored to have dinner with the president. So a woman proudly showed me the photo. Aren’t you awed, you fool? It then occurred to me that he is just a man despite his rank, achievements, honors, not a God. Ha. Ha.

So said opa Johan to his wife.

December 2013

What’s The Use Of Having A Wife?

“Just peel your mango yourself. Learn and don’t be so lazy.”

“Well, What’s the use, profit of having a wife then?” So said opa Johan.

November 2009

Good News

“The defeater of Federer in the Wimbledon, is now punished by being defeated also. Ha. Ha. How happy am I.” So told Opa Johan’s wife her husband. 

June 2013 

Delightful Forgetfulness Of Old Age

“Do you want some ice cream? I’ll take a spoon for you.”

                          ***

“Where is the ice cream? There was a lot in the box, yesterday in our fridge.”

“I don’t know? Then our son must have eaten it. Who else?”

But as I returned disappointed to the table, how happy I was, as there it was just beside my plate.

“Who put it there?”

“You, but forgot when you went away to  take a spoon for me, you blockhead.”

“What a delightful forgetfulness, you little fool. Ha. Ha. Let us enjoy.” So said Opa Johan to his wife. 

October 2013

Beauty, Happiness, Bliss

A paradise is not only found in Bali, Raja Ampat, ... said Opa Johan.

Beauty is not only found in a concert hall, ..., said the Choir Conductor.

Beauty, happiness, bliss is not only found in heaven, said Pak Arif.

So now you can always gladden yourself, not repent, even have you never visited Raja Ampat, the Carnegie Hall of Fame, the Louvre museum, read Shakespeare or traveled to heaven, unless you’re a fool. Ha. Ha. 

May 2014

What A Revelation

I watched intently. Who is that man playing Wawringka in the tennis semi final in Monte Carlo recently? And I guess to my surprise that he must be Jesus, not Ferrer. What a revelation. Ha. Ha.

So e mailed Opa Johan his sons and daughters.

Then one of his sons e mailed:

Sure, dad. Jesus could play tennis, badminton, angklung, visit the disco. He certainly could play, laugh, enjoy, love, suffer, cry, feel, ... as we feel, live.

April 2014

As True As A Dog To Its Master

“Look, Piggy is so sweet, she follows me into my room, happily welcomes me home. She’s so true.” So said Opa Johan to his wife.

“So, then marry  your dog,” she said. “Can she sew your buttons, put medicine on your wounded head, cook your food, ... you fool?”

“Ha. Ha. ... “ trying to suppress his laughter till he almost choked. “She’s such a smart little fool.”   

February 2014

Success Is Only In Your Eyes

Every time I’m disappointed, as I thought of the roads to brilliant, dazzling success, I remind, whisper to myself:

“Success is only in your eyes, not in the eyes of the world. Didn’t you say so? You certainly are successful, didn’t you create your own beautiful thoughts? They are your treasures, riches.”

                                              ***

“What? You, Mr. Chew” said Opa Johan, “you certainly are successful as I think of the greatest honor that lovely angels, so unbelievable,  like, love, follow a scarecrow like you. Ha. ha.” 

March 2014

Opa Johan

There he is, his wife, his grandchildren, his travels, his adventures, his memories, his thoughts, his philosophy, ... 

Fondle Name

Did you know why Opa Johan teased,  ridiculed his wife and me?

Love should be recognized, felt, known, be obvious as your dog's, without saying “I love you, or you mother, or you father, or you brother, or you sister, or you son, or you daughter,"  he argued. And he teased his wife as “you, little fool”, instead of saying “my darling, my sweetheart”. That’s his cuddle, fondle name for her. He would never acknowledge, admit that he loves her.

He also would never acknowledge, he would deny he liked my thoughts, that’s why he ridiculed me, the scoundrel. Ha. Ha.

February 2013