I Wonder

I wonder how God created matter, space, time, life and especially Himself out of nothing.

March 2014

Because She Is ...

She doesn’t know she’s so beautiful.

She doesn’t know she sings so beautiful.

She doesn’t know she’s so funny.

She doesn’t know she is so true.

She doesn’t know she is so good, so daring, so ...

She is such a delight.

Because she is as an unspoiled child.

How can I ever not love her, except I’m a stone. Yet I’ve not the heart to ever, ever, tell it her. You know why?

April 2014

Fame Can’t Harm You Anymore

I have asked no one to speak for me. I am myself my spokesman.

Only after a very long time when I’m not living anymore, many, many, many people would love my thoughts. And God whispered to me: “So, now fame can’t harm you anymore.” Ha. Ha.

May 2014

Enjoy, Love Doing Something Never Becomes A Duty

Learning is such a joy now as I am over 80, while it was a hateful duty during my school years. Writing my posts, singing is a joy, not a duty. Lovers have no duties except they stop loving each other.

Enjoy, love doing something regularly doesn’t become a duty. Loving care is not a duty. A duty that is paid is not a duty but a task, a job, an agreement,...

There was compulsory reading during my school years. Compulsory military duty is worst.

Imagine, when you were sent to war to invade a foreign country, to shoot, to kill human beings for no reason, no wrongs to you, or to be shot, to be killed, fooled into believing that it was for the sake of a great cause, oh my God.

May 2014

I Certainly Do Love Them

I certainly do love my thoughts, my pictures, my video recordings in my blog, how simple they might be. Can I be proud of were they beautiful but not mine? And were my pictures, video recordings beautiful, I owe my gratitude to superb technology that’s supporting me.

June 2014

Like Giving A Precious Present To Myself

Just with that very little, very simple, of what I can do, find, accomplish, achieve - though so far from accepted, general standards – am I grateful, makes me happy. When I’m lucky to write a good thought, lucky to make me my own beautiful chord progressions and melodic lines, lucky to have a good performance of my choir, make a beautiful recording, photo, enjoy riding just on my bike to a village, ... when I’m freed from hurting legs and dizziness.

That would like giving me a precious present. I’ve got such a lot now, now in old age as I can better judge beauty, besides, I’ve got courage, - no fear anymore -, the courage to be myself. What a joy.

August 2014

You Never Knew You Would Feel, Become Like That

After I succeeded to run the Marathon on my 60 th year I thought I would run 70 Km on my 70th birthday, 80 Km on my 80th birthday, you know, as a challenge and my special birthday present.

But when I was 70, I felt running 70 Km is very hard, as on a try, starting from Jakarta running at 2.00 am via Rumpin hills I arrived 1.00 pm in Leuwiliang. So then I choose to bicycle 140 Km, the same road vice versa and succeeded, starting 6.00 am, having a nice picnic in the mountains and arriving 6.00 pm in Jakarta.

When I was 80, there was no way you ever could run 80 Km, or bicycle 160 Km, except perhaps in 4 or 5 days I never thought, expected, you never knew, no young man ever could, that one day in the future, you would feel, become like that.

Today, just walking, - not running - a near distance becomes hard as my legs hurt when walking. I can’t cycle a far distance anymore. Then I thought of buying me a motorized bicycle, or a three wheeled motorized bicycle and I imagined of carrying my lover with me, or a golf car, but it’s a pity you couldn’t drive it on the main streets, or buy me a bicycle that can be folded, yet it is too heavy to carry it folded.

But when one day, perhaps I am over 100, ha, ha, will I ride a wheelchair, or motorize it to drive fast, to have my picnic and enjoy the ride into the country. 

So e mailed Opa Johan his sons and daughters. That was when he was 84.

June 2014

I'm Ninety-one

Don’t ask a woman her age. Yet, an aged woman would proudly say, proclaim: “I’m ninety-one. Ha. Ha.”

December 2013

I Wonder

I wonder how God created matter, space, time, life and especially Himself out of nothing.

March 2014

How Can I Ever Be Anonymous?

It’s the beautiful thought that matters. I don’t care if people do not know my name. People will always remember me, the anonymous person who said it. Unless I want, need to earn some money. 

But how can I ever be anonymous? Should I write on walls, packing paper, trees, gas balloons, without my name, ... not in the internet, not in news papers, books, ...?

How I wish I just could say “thank you” on someone’s blog, post I love, like, enjoy, without revealing my e mail, my identity, like a voice from heaven, like a kiss of gratitude.

April 2014

They’re So Human

I am kin to those that fail, fall, err, ... to sinners. And I thought of Bill Clinton. They’re so human.

February 2014

Joys Of Old Age

How Wonderful.

Now in old age with a weaker eyesight, can I see beauty that is just before me which I didn’t see with good eyesight before, even were I to have the time. What a revelation.

Now can I find, enjoy, read, hear, see, beauty in the simplest things. My mind is as young as ever. I don’t need to have read a novel, or to have heard an oratorio, opera, symphony, seen roses, orchids, ... to really find beauty, I don’t have to have eaten special foods, drinks. But then I was so haughty.

Beauty must be rich, grand, brilliant I thought, ignoring, humbling, despising beauty in the so simple, the so small, the so common, ... so near, yet, so dear to me, now:

June 2014

What’s The Use Of Being Beautiful Were ...

The male is mostly more beautiful, stronger than the female. But why are women more beautiful then men as I remember women dancing gracefully, beautifully, heard a lovely woman’s voice singing, or talking through a telephone?

Because I’m a man, not a woman, a dog, you know? That’s why. What’s the use of being beautiful were there no man ever would love, cherish it.

February 2014